I know, tender self, that you are strong and wise and capable (at least most of the time). And I know that your current mantra is open, open, open — but still you must remember that there are times when you need to protect yourself from the energy and emotions of certain people — even ones you love dearly. It’s easy otherwise to get chewed, swallowed, and sometimes even digested (and I know, poor heart, you agree that the darkness of an angry person’s stomach is not a healthy place to be). I hear your protests, tender self. You want to open to love, not close to fear. But protecting yourself is not a total shutting down. It’s like wearing a winter coat when the temperature slips below freezing — you can open up and take it off when the weather warms up. It’s only a temporary safety measure — and I hear you, dear heart — it’s one that feels bulky and restrictive at first. “How can I feel someone’s bones and flesh through all these awkward layers?” But that’s the point! Sometimes it’s better to have some padding between us and the other, especially if the other is in the middle of a turbulent storm, a crash of violent thunder, a rain of hardened pellets… or a moment of intense ecstatic joy. Feeling other people’s emotions, tender self, can be beautiful and rewarding when you’re alert and grounded and ready for it… But we know, you and I, that when we’re tired or distracted, it can be dangerous and confusing. We lose track of what is ours and what is theirs. It takes over our entire being. It overwhelms us. So remember, tender self, to keep a warm jacket and a wooly hat nearby, but please go naked whenever the conditions are favourable!
— heidi kalyani, 2016
from the *nothing is black and white* project: illustration created out of meditation with a single unbroken line