Posts Tagged with present

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now

After checking levels and pressing record, we settle into a conversation, with me nodding silently, speaking with my eyes and sometimes the tilt of my head, and you pouring your heart out with words that pierce me with their rawness, inspire me with their depth, or warm me with their vulnerability. There is a beautiful intimacy in our eye contact, our shared humanity, our momentary oneness, made more intense by the nowness of knowing the camera is rolling.

— heidi kalyani, 2017 
from the *nothing is black and white* project: illustration created out of meditation with a single unbroken line

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passion for pudding

When did this passion for homemade chocolate pudding take hold? When I finally woke up and remembered the sensual pleasures of the body, or rather, allowed myself to bathe in the present moment again, soaking in every touch, taste, smell, sound and sight? When I remembered to breathe while eating? When I accidentally, but happily, found a recipe using bananas, avocado and honey? When I dreamed of topping it with red berries and coconut whipped cream (the latter being one of the most sensuous foods to have passed my lips in years)? Is it the colour? The texture? The richness of flavour? Or is it something else all together? The idea of decadence. The memory of tingling senses. The anticipation of being enticed, excited, stimulated. The salivating warm flush of knowing something beautiful is about to happen. Or am I simply hungry? Perhaps there’s a nutrient in the mix that my body needs, a missing vitamin or mineral, a purveyor of energy and life. Or perhaps, simply, pudding is a perfect food and my newfound passion means I’ll never want to eat anything else again!

— heidi kalyani, 2017 
from the *nothing is black and white* project: illustration created out of meditation with a single unbroken line

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strings of words

 

For me, writing is love. And when I’m in love, everything tingles! I am awake to more sensations, more feelings, more energy, and more insights. I’m existing in a juicy “in between place” — a place between the known and the unknown, a place of both intention and surrender, a place where the extraordinary and the ordinary co-exist, a place that is so raw and beautiful and eternal that it hurts in that delicious way that being in love hurts, because it’s breaking me open, it’s pushing at my walls and limits, and vibrating so intensely that all I can do is sing… or dance… or string words together in long, unfurling sentences.

— heidi kalyani, 2017 
from the *nothing is black and white* project: illustration created out of meditation with a single unbroken line

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more being, less doing

 

I’ve stopped asking myself “what do I want to *do* today?” and started asking myself “how do I want to *be* today?” For me, *being* is much richer, more fulfilling, more enlivening — and a lot less pressure! When I’m *being*, each moment is filled with raw, open-hearted curiosity, with a wonder that is fire and serenity together, with a knowing that is unconditional, eternal and all encompassing. *Being* is when I am truly at home, fully myself, and entirely at peace. It’s a state so powerful, that when I commit to it (with gentleness, so that it doesn’t appear on any to-do lists, or in any well-intentioned self-improvement schemes), it transforms all of my *doing* into magical, compassionate gifts that amaze me with their honesty, their integrity and their infinite wisdom.

— heidi kalyani, 2017 
from the *nothing is black and white* project: illustration created out of meditation with a single unbroken line

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impermanence

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I believe that relationships — with ourselves, with each other, with passions and desires — are all  deeply impermanent. Everything changes; the way I feel, the way I think, the way I know, what I need. What I have today may only last this moment. But that doesn’t mean I shy away from cultivating long term connections, it just means that tomorrow will be different… and that’s okay. The secret for me is being in the present moment — fully and completely — being awake and aware and allowing myself to be filled with contentment right now. I am here. You are here. This passion is here. We are awake and present and able to enjoy *now*. Holding on to things keeps me locked in the past, and anxious about the future. But celebrating the present, even with all of its inherent impermanence, always brings me to a place of bliss!

— heidi kalyani, 2016
from the *nothing is black and white* project: illustration created out of meditation with a single unbroken line

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embracing what we have

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I’ve always felt that it’s important to be happy with what I have — not in a making-do sort of way, but in a way that embraces the moment, that celebrates what is actually happening to me right now, the gifts I have rather than the ones I think I want/ought to have. For me it’s about living in the now. I’m happy eating cabbage and carrots because it’s winter where I live and that is what keeps well after the growing season has ended. I’m happy that it’s raining because I love the misty feeling of moisture on my eyelids. I’m happy hanging out with you today, because you are here, present, alive and just as interesting (in your own wonderful way) as any of my other friends (past or present). I like to take a moment in the mornings, or just before I crawl into bed, to be grateful for where I am, what I have, and who is around me. In Siddhartha, Hermann Hesse wrote, “The river is everywhere at once, at the source and at the mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the rapids, in the sea, in the mountains… there is only the present time for it, not the shadow of the past, not the shadow of the future.” Embrace the present — it’s what we actually have right now!

— heidi kalyani, 2016
from the *nothing is black and white* project: illustration created out of meditation with a single unbroken line